


Melt the Ice and Just Swim

by taeyongsan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21894061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongsan/pseuds/taeyongsan
Summary: Mark has always believed good things come to those that wait. He wonders when Hendery will notice he's been waiting long enough.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Wong Kun Hang | Hendery
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53
Collections: NCT Rarepair Winter Bingo





	1. I Wish You Knew What I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The work title and all chapter titles are taken from "Waiting for You" by The Aces since I am very not original and not creative when it comes to coming up with titles. Also, it was the only thing I listened to while writing this.
> 
> This is for NCT Rarepair Winter Bingo! Tiles in this chapter: Cooking, Movie Marathon, Cuddling (though, I don't even think I mentioned any of these explicitly enough or in the right way in order for them to count! They're there, but you might need to squint and pretend that making instant noodles counts as cooking.)

“Hendery’s coming over and we’re going to get ready at my apartment so we can leave together,” Mark said. He zipped up his backpack. When he received no response, he set his backpack down and looked to his side. “Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck was looking at him suspiciously, his eyes narrowed and his lips pinched.

“What?” Mark asked. He pushed Donghyuck away when he wouldn’t stop staring at him, but Donghyuck didn’t budge. “You’re being a creep.”

“Hendery’s going to _your_ apartment before the party?”

Mark elected to ignore Donghyuck. Instead of replying he stood up and circled the table, putting on his backpack and following the rest of the students that were heading towards the door. Donghyuck followed him, holding onto his backpack. Once they made it out into the hallway, Donghyuck pulled him aside.

“Mark!” he exclaimed. “This is your chance to make it special and memorable!”

Mark frowned, shaking his head a little. “No, I don’t think…”

“It is!” Donghyuck exclaimed. “Take this chance and use it to your advantage, Mark Lee! When will you tell him? Are you going to go start another year by watching Hendery from the sidelines?”

It caught Mark by surprise. He knew that Donghyuck was very aware of his… feelings for Hendery, but not so much so that he noticed the way Mark had spent the last few New Year’s parties they attended. It was hard, being friends with Hendery and having to see him so… out there and available when all Mark wanted to do was tell Hendery that he was there, waiting for him. 

Hendery hadn’t had a serious relationship in the time Mark had known him, but during New Year’s, Hendery was always taken by some girl or guy seconds before the clock hit midnight. And it was always Mark that looked over towards Hendery, hoping to use the moment to his advantage, only to catch sight of them, underneath sparkling confetti and the rhythm of booming bass, kissing. Hendery always laughed it off the day after, but he hadn’t yet noticed that Mark never did.

Mark quickly composed himself and pushed Donghyuck aside, huffing. “I’ve never done that,” he muttered under his breath, side-stepping Donghyuck and walking down the hall.

He would never admit such a thing to Donghyuck, even though they were best friends. If he did, he would be subjected to months of teasing remarks, not just from Donghyuck, but the rest of his friend group as well. And he received too many of those as is.

Donghyuck rushed after him. “Mark!” he said, catching the attention of the students around them.

Mark brought his hood a bit higher around his head, hoping that no one would see it was him that Donghyuck was calling for. Behind him, Donghyuck’s steps stopped and Mark let out a sigh of relief. But as always, Donghyuck wouldn’t let him go without embarrassing him a bit further.

“Tell him, Mark!” he shouted. 

Mark cringed, bringing his hands up to his reddening face. “That is not my friend,” he said under his breath. “That is not my friend.”

“Tell him on Christmas Eve, and then just kiss him! Kiss him, like you’ve never kissed anyone before!”

Around him, he saw a few people look at Donghyuck curiously, holding back their laughter. Some eyes peered at Mark but he subtly shook his head to indicate that he did not know that guy.

That guy was not one of Mark’s best friends.

Mark kept his guard up until he reached the end of the hallway. Only then did he push his hood back down and straighten up. He pushed open one of the double doors, feeling the cold air nip at his nose and cheeks as he stepped out.

The campus was beginning to clear out. The only students on campus were those that had exams. Mark was glad he wasn’t one of them anymore. He had just finished his last final exam for the semester. Now it was time to go home, relax, and prepare for being productive over the break.

He sighed in relief, his breathing coming out in a white puff that disappeared in an instant.

Even though it was the afternoon, the clouds above made the world look a bit darker and dimmer, blanketing the entire campus in a cold, grey blanket. It would begin snowing again soon and Mark needed to hurry if he didn’t want to get caught in it while going home.

He picked up the pace but walked carefully so he wouldn’t slip on any snow or ice that managed to stay on the pathways. He had plans to meet up with Hendery at the student union and they would go home together like always. 

Mark felt a chill run down his spine and it wasn’t because of the winter air.

Hendery was not the kind of guy Mark would ever befriend. He was a bit bolder, wilder. The boldest friend that Mark had was Donghyuck, and on occasion, Renjun. But unlike Donghyuck and Renjun, Hendery was bold in a different way. Hendery was outspoken and confident, and while Mark’s friends were also loud and proud, the way that Hendery went about it was more… interesting.

It was what had drawn Mark to Hendery in the first place. And thankfully, Hendery was accepting of anyone who wanted to be his friend. Although the rest of his friend group seemed intimidating, Mark had come to find out that they were all kind and caring, just like Hendery.

Mark reached the quad and headed towards the student union building, snow crunching underneath his shoes. He pulled open the door and felt a rush of air push him inside, making him stumble. He caught himself on the door handle, pulling it closed behind him.

He looked around at all of the tables, eyes quickly landing on Hendery and the rest of his friends.

They looked entertained, all of them speaking over each other at once. Mark quickly cleaned off the bottom of his shoes on the mat at the door and walked towards the table.

They didn’t seem to notice him for a moment but then Xiaojun’s eyes fell on him and he stopped talking. His head tilted to the side cutely. He blinked a few times at him as if registering who Mark was. “Oh, Mark,” he said finally.

The rest of them stopped talking and turned to look at him. Mark waved meekly. “Hey, guys.”

“Hey, Mark,” Lucas said, giving him a bright smile.

To Lucas’ left, Yangyang waved. Mark gave him another wave. 

He then looked towards Hendery, who seemed to understand. He stood up and grabbed his backpack, slinging it onto his shoulder. 

“We’re leaving now,” Hendery said, bringing the attention to him. He looked at his friends’ faces. “What? I told you that Mark and I would be going home together. We always do.”

Yangyang snickered. Hendery gave him a look, but Xiaojun reached out and placed a hand on Hendery’s arm. Mark looked away, focusing on a bulletin board on the wall far away, squinting to read some of the flyers posted.

“He didn’t even say anything, Hendery,” Mark heard Xiaojun say gently. Mark could just imagine him smiling. He didn’t dare look. “We’ll see you this weekend then. Don’t bail.”

“I never do,” Hendery replied teasingly.

He sounded closer and after a moment, Mark felt the warmth coming from his left. He felt a heavy arm wrap around his shoulders, bringing Mark in. He turned his head and looked at Hendery.

Hendery was looking at Xiaojun. “I’ll call you then.”

Mark’s gaze drifted to Xiaojun, who smiled. “You better.”

Mark suppressed a sigh. 

Hendery looked down at him. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Mark replied dryly, not quite meeting Hendery’s eyes.

* * *

The bus was rather crowded when they boarded, both of them squeezing together to find a spot to stand. Mark was facing Hendery, his eyes just reaching Hendery’s nose. He tried to keep some distance between them, holding his breath. Mark fisted his hands at his side, holding his weight down as the bus lurched forward.

“Woah,” Hendery whispered. Mark felt an arm come around his waist, holding him.

He looked up to meet Hendery’s eyes.

“Careful,” Hendery said quietly with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes.

Mark looked away, feeling himself blush. He dropped his head to avoid looking at Hendery, hoping he wouldn’t see just how red Mark had become. The arm around him only got tighter as the bus stopped and more people boarded.

“Sorry,” Hendery said to someone, pulling Mark even closer to his side. “Go ahead, sir.”

Mark felt the man pass behind him, pushing him and Hendery more to the side. He felt himself warm up. He wished the bus would go faster.

Unfortunately, the bus went even slower than usual since there was snow. But little by little, the people on board got off and Mark pulled himself further and further away from Hendery. It was too warm when they were too close to each other and too suffocating. Like this, Mark could breathe.

A few more stops and some seats opened up. Hendery motioned for Mark to sit. He did, pulling his backpack onto his lap. Hendery sat beside him, pressing close even though the two seats had a small space between each other. Mark looked at Hendery, but he wasn’t looking at Mark.

His eyes were focused on the snow outside. After a second, he seemed to notice Mark looking. He slowly turned back. “A blizzard is supposed to pass through sometime soon,” he said.

“Oh,” Mark said dumbly. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “When?”

“Sometime next week, I think.”

They said nothing else. Mark pulled out his earphones from his bag and began to untangle them, fumbling with them. He felt Hendery’s eyes on his hands and it made him even more nervous. He stopped and just shoved them back into his backpack.

He met Hendery’s eyes. He had a curious look on his face, but he didn’t ask anything.

“We’re almost there,” Mark said as if that was a good reason.

Hendery hummed, turning away and leaning back in the seat, looking towards the front.

Like always, they got off in front of the convenience store. Mark fixed his backpack, pulling the straps over his shoulders, as he stepped off the bus. He stuffed his hands inside his coat pockets, moving his weight from foot to foot as Hendery stepped out behind him.

“Let’s go,” Hendery said.

Together, they entered the convenience store right behind the stop and the cashier greeted them glumly. It was always the same cashier, and she was always in the same mood. They said a quiet greeting, more focused on collecting their daily purchases. Mark lingered in front of the packets of instant noodles, looking at the different kinds they had.

He grabbed a few bags of a random one, hoping that they would like it, and ventured to the candy aisle, grabbing a few things from there too. He found Hendery in front of the drinks.

Hendery held up what was in his hand. “To celebrate us finishing finals,” he said.

“We don’t need that many,” Mark laughed, bumping Hendery with his elbow. “Get one of the smaller ones.”

Hendery feigned hurt but returned the twelve-pack of beer to its spot, reaching for one that only had four. He held it up for Mark’s approval. Mark nodded and Hendery smiled.

“Let’s go,” he cheered, motioning for Mark to move to the cashier.

They set their things onto the counter and the young woman behind the register began to scan their things. She bagged the smaller items slowly, seeming to take her sweet time doing it. When she got to the beer, her eyes wandered up. She tilted her head to the side as she looked at each of them, something suspicious in her eyes. She must’ve decided they looked of age or that she didn’t care because she scanned the beer and read out their total.

Before Mark could even reach for his wallet, Hendery was already handing his card over with a grin.

Mark looked away shyly, only hearing the young woman thank them. Hendery took the bags with their things, offering one to Mark. He took it and clutched onto the plastic tightly, trailing behind Hendery.

They left the store, the small bell above announcing their departure. The cashier’s words were lost on Mark, drowned out by a howl of the wind. A flurry of white blocked his view. He brought his arm up to shield his eyes, using the plastic bag as a shield as well.

“Hendery,” he called out. He reached out and grabbed at Hendery’s coat sleeve with his free hand. “Are you sure the blizzard wasn’t _tonight_?”

He heard Hendery huff. “Huh, it might have been.”

Mark stifled a laugh. He held onto Hendery’s coat tighter, letting him guide them through the snow. It wasn’t that bad, but the wind wasn’t making it easy to navigate through. Without the wind, they would’ve been fine.

“Hendery, are we almost there? Did you get us lost?” Mark asked teasingly.

“Ha, ha,” he heard Hendery say. Mark felt Hendery’s hand properly grab onto his, pulling him forward so Mark was walking beside him. “It’s just too hard to see right now. But I think this is it.”

They walked a bit further. Seeing the front of his apartment complex, Mark pulled Hendery over to the side. The building entrance was blocked off from the snow and they nearly slipped rushing into the small alcove. Mark caught himself on the door handle, breathing hard. Hendery let out a loud laugh from behind him.

“Mark!” he exclaimed. “Are you okay?”

Mark looked at Hendery. Underneath the light coming from inside the building, he could see that Hendery’s cheeks were tinged pink, as well as his nose. His lips were pulled up into a goofy smile and amusement danced in his eyes. He reached out for Mark, helping him stand properly.

“I almost fell,” Mark laughed, grabbing hold of Hendery’s arms tightly. He straightened up as he realized how close they were and that they were standing in front of the entrance to the complex. Mark let go, stepping away and grabbing the door handle again. He was beginning to feel the snow sink into his shoes and melt, seeping into his socks. The cold made him shiver. “Let’s go inside.”

Hendery went in first, sighing in relief. Mark followed, not being able to help himself and letting out a sigh of his own. The heater was turned up inside. He fixed his hold on the plastic bag in his hand and moved towards the elevator, pushing the button to bring it down.

Hendery appeared beside him. He fidgeted a bit, but when Mark looked at him, he gave him a sheepish smile and stayed still. The elevator dinged and the doors opened before them. Mark stepped in first. As Hendery came in, Mark pushed the button for his floor and then the close door button.

It was only a few seconds before the doors opened again on the third floor. Hendery gave Mark a small shove out and Mark laughed as he stumbled out into the hallway. Hendery mocked hushing him, which only made him laugh more. Hendery also laughed, pushing Mark again, but it lacked force.

They made their way to Mark’s door and he fished out his keys from his pocket, unlocking the door and pushing it open. Mark couldn’t remember if his apartment was in any shape to receive visitors, but he knew that Hendery had seen Mark’s apartment in every single possible way, there was no surprising him anymore.

He let Hendery in first, following him and closing the door behind him. He took off his shoes and put on his cozy slippers, seeing that Hendery had already done soon with the special pair that Mark had bought for him a while back.

They shuffled into the living room. Hendery turned back to Mark. “Food?”

Mark raised the bag in his hand. “Let’s make it.” He remembered the melted snow in his shoes. He suddenly felt the way the snow that had fallen on his coat seeped into the fabric and to his skin, chilling him down to the bone. He cringed. “But after we change.”

Hendery followed Mark into his bedroom after they set the bags down in the kitchen. Mark fished out some old clothes that would fit him and Hendery disappeared into the hall bathroom. He got his clothes for himself and changed in the en suite in his room, holding onto the damp clothes. He waited for Hendery outside the hall bathroom, taking his damp clothes and putting them in the washer with his right away.

When they were back in the living room, Hendery held up a finger and moved towards the speaker Mark had by the TV, setting it up and playing some music. It wasn’t anything Mark recognized, but he didn’t mind it. He made his way into the kitchen, beginning to pull everything out of the bags.

Behind him, he heard Hendery enter the small kitchen and open the fridge.

It didn’t feel weird when Mark finished organizing everything and Hendery appeared beside him, handing him the rest of the ingredients they would need to elevate the plain instant noodles to something a bit more sophisticated. Mark filled a small pot with water and put it on the stove while Hendery had begun cutting everything up slowly, setting it aside for later use.

They had done this so many times over the past few years. It didn’t matter if it was at Mark’s apartment or Hendery’s. Preparing their dinner together had become like a routine. They didn’t need to speak or look at each other to know the other’s next move.

Mark had this type of relationship with many of his friends. He didn’t need to tell Donghyuck things for him to know, and he didn’t need to show Johnny something for him to understand. Mark felt lucky that his friendships worked like that, very naturally and smoothly.

But with Hendery, it was different. Mark hadn’t known him as long as he had Donghyuck, who he had the privilege of having known since childhood, or even Johnny, who became like a brother to Mark after having met him when he was a senior in high school. It was so quick with Hendery. The way that they had clicked felt too natural. As if it was meant to be.

Mark tried to push the thoughts away, but they always crept out of the shadows, appearing when he least wanted them to appear. It was so different with Hendery because there were different feelings involved, his mind constantly reminded him.

While people assumed that Mark was in relationships with his other friends, there was never anything romantic about his interactions with any of them. Mark had never done anything with a romantic intent behind it. And if confronted, Mark would say just that.

But with Hendery… there was no explanation for having this deep connection so shortly after meeting each other. There was always something different in the way Mark acted with Hendery. Mark never would do such things if it were Jeno or Jaemin in Hendery’s place, not even if it were Donghyuck or Johnny.

Renjun had been the first to notice it. He knew Hendery a bit through Yangyang but had never really spoken to him outside of those interactions. But he was very quick to act like he had known Hendery his entire life the moment he noticed Mark’s feelings.

“He’s not seeing anyone,” Renjun had told him a few years ago when they in the middle of a history lecture. “He doesn’t date too many people either.”

Mark can’t remember how he had gotten Renjun to shut up about it, though he was sure he had gotten Jaemin to do it. 

And even though Renjun had shut up about it, it had taken months to process within Mark. He had never noticed that he _liked_ Hendery. Since when had he _liked_ Hendery?

Everything that shifted after that. Things were a few centimeters out of place in their friendship, not enough to be noticed by Hendery, but just enough that it drove Mark crazy.

Mark had been witness to it all. In the four years Mark had known Hendery, he had maybe one or two relationships, but they hadn’t lasted more than a few weeks. Hendery preferred being alone, using his time to do what he liked. Mark had been playing the waiting game for most of their friendship, wondering if Hendery would ever notice him for more than a second.

Most likely not.

It was frustrating. 

When Mark was sure that Hendery had finally seen him, when Mark was sure that Hendery had shown interest, Hendery did something that made Mark doubt himself. Most recently, Hendery was beginning to show a different side of himself, but not to Mark. To Xiaojun. And while the rumor mill spun, Hendery denied having anything for Xiaojun. Being good friends, Mark hoped that Hendery would just tell him if he did like Xiaojun.

If he did, then maybe Mark would be able to get over this painful pining once and for all.

“Mark,” Hendery said, pulling Mark out of his thoughts. He looked at Mark with worried eyes. “You good?”

Mark nodded, looking away. “Yeah,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m good.”

He continued what he was doing. On the stove, the water was already boiling. Mark tore open the packets of instant noodles, removing the seasoning packets and setting them aside. He handed each bag to Hendery, who dumped the noodles in the water.

As Mark handed Hendery the last bag, he grabbed Mark’s wrist. Mark’s attention landed on Hendery. There was something different there. Hendery’s features looked softer somehow, toned down. He looked vulnerable.

“Right now, Mark,” he said gently, leaning in a bit, “I think you know what I want.”

Mark’s breath caught in his throat. He choked a bit, turning away to cough to the side. He didn’t turn back when he spoke, keeping his eyes on the clock hung above the fridge. “Oh, what?” 

He felt Hendery get closer. Mark held his breath, feeling Hendery’s fan across his face.

Mark’s friends were convinced that Hendery was at least a little interested, even if Hendery’s interest drifted this way and that. It was just a matter of who would make the first move. And Hendery had always been bolder than Mark.

He hated hoping, but Mark had always been someone that believed good things would happen if he waited patiently.

So, Mark waited. He waited for Hendery to do something, say something. When nothing happened, Mark looked back at him. Hendery was not looking at him but behind him.

Hendery tugged on Mark’s wrist, pulling him to the side. Hendery stepped into Mark’s previous place, letting go of his wrist and reaching for something. Mark heard the pop of the top coming off a bottle. 

Hendery turned around and leaned against the kitchen counter. He held up the bottle in his hand. “You were in front of the beer,” he said.

“Oh,” Mark murmured. He felt warmth crawling up, up, up to his neck and the tips of his ears. He held back the dejected sigh that threatened to come out. “Sorry.”

“You want one?”

“I’m fine,” Mark answered. Instead of facing Hendery, he turned his back to him, looking at the small pot that had their noodles. He picked up the cooking chopsticks and stirred them around. “Can you get the toppings ready?”

“Yeah, give me a moment,” Hendery said.

Mark heard him set down his bottle and move. He appeared at his side, two bowls in hand. He set them down and disappeared again, this time coming back with the plate on which they had arranged the toppings.

“Looks good,” he commented as Mark put in the seasoning packets.

Mark let out a small laugh. “Not really. You’re just hungry.”

They served themselves in the bowls before carrying them out to Mark’s living room. They set their bowls on the coffee table, Hendery going back to get the drinks. Mark turned off the music and turned the TV on, navigating to the movies.

“What are we going to watch?” Mark asked Hendery as he sat back down.

Hendery hummed. “What about a marathon?”

“Of what?”

A mischievous smile crossed Hendery’s face. “Marvel.”

Mark nearly choked on his laugh. “That’s like twenty-something movies, dude.”

“We’re on vacation, man,” Hendery said. He punched Mark’s shoulder. “Come on.”

“Fine, fine,” Mark said, letting himself smile. “But if you don’t watch, I’m never going to watch a movie with you again.”

“I’ll watch,” Hendery said, putting a palm over his chest.

“Okay then!” Mark turned back to the TV. He pushed down on the button of the remote, getting to the first movie. He looked at Hendery for approval. When he nodded, Mark hit the play button. “Iron Man.”

Mark made himself a bit more comfortable on the floor, leaning back on the couch. Beside him, Hendery copied him. He scooted a bit closer, taking a pillow from the couch and putting it on his lap.

He looked at Mark. “What? I’m making myself comfortable.”

“You don’t have to sit so close,” Mark joked, scooting away from him a little, “We’re not cuddling, man.”

Hendery laughed. Maybe Mark’s mind was playing tricks on him, but it sounded off. It didn’t have that ‘Hendery’ sound to it. Mark ignored it, pushing the thoughts away.

No way, he thought.

But a part of him couldn’t help but wonder.

* * *

“Just stay,” Mark said.

Hendery looked at him. “I live right down the street. I can make it. It’s not even a blizzard, Mark.”

Mark opened his mouth but stopped. He gathered all his courage and grabbed Hendery’s wrist, making him stop. “I want you to stay,” he said. He felt himself get nervous. “I mean, what am I going to do if you get lost in the snow? I don’t want Xiaojun on my back about it.”

Hendery hummed. “Xiaojun, huh…” He pulled his wrist out of Mark’s hold. With a dramatic sigh, he said the words Mark wanted to hear: “Fine, I’ll stay.”

“We can watch the next movie in our marathon,” Mark said.

This earned him a small smile. “Fine,” Hendery said with a laugh, sitting back down next to Mark. He brought his legs up on the couch, placing them across Mark’s thighs. “Only if I can sit like this.”

Mark looked at Hendery. “Fine,” he said back. He leaned back, bringing his arms up and locking his hands behind his head. “Do whatever you want. I’ll keep my hands here.”

“Mark,” Hendery groaned.

He reached for Mark’s arms, pulling them away from his head. He held Mark’s hands in his.

“Man, you have small hands,” he said teasingly, putting Mark’s hands against his own. He shifted his hands slightly so his fingers fell into the spaces between Mark’s. “See? Look. It’s like I’m holding hands with a kid.”

Mark pulled his hands out of Hendery’s hold, shoving them into the pockets of his hoodie. “Shut up, dude.”

He hoped that Hendery couldn’t see the way his face turned red or hear the sudden nervousness in his voice

Hendery only smiled. He moved his legs off Mark, coming closer and pulling Mark in, arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders. “Let me watch the movie like this,” Hendery said, voice low. Mark felt Hendery’s lip graze his earlobe, making his shudder. “Yeah?”

Mark laughed nervously, shoving him off carefully. “No way,” he said. “We don’t do that.”

“Why can’t we start now?”

“We’re not like that, man,” Mark said. Though I wish we were, he didn’t add. “C’mon, let’s just watch the next movie. I’ll sit on this side of the couch.”

“Okay, okay,” Hendery said, backing off. He stayed on the other side of the couch.

Mark put the next film on. As it started, he felt Hendery’s eyes on him. “Hendery, watch,” he said.

“I’m watching,” came the reply.

But he continued looking at Mark. After a few more minutes, Mark let out a groan, going across the couch and turning Hendery’s head to face the television screen.

“Watch,” Mark repeated. He was tilting to the side, about the fall. “Hendery!”

He felt large hands grab onto his waist, holding him in place. “Careful,” Hendery murmured, turning his head back. He didn’t let go, not even when Mark was steady.

Mark was still holding Hendery’s face between his hands. He felt the ends of Hendery’s hair graze over the ends of his fingers. Hendery’s skin was warm and only getting warmer. They were close.

Close enough that Mark could see the small shadows that Hendery’s eyelashes cast on the apples of his cheeks. Close enough that Mark saw how Hendery’s tongue ran over his lips, making them glisten underneath the light the television cast on his face. Close enough to hear how hard Hendery began to breathe, to hear how he swallowed hard, taking in a deep inhale.

“Mark,” Hendery whispered as Mark instinctively ran the pads of his thumbs across the apples of Hendery’s cheeks. “I need to tell you something.”

Mark’s eyes trailed up, meeting Hendery’s eyes. There were so many emotions in them, Mark couldn’t make out a single one. “Hm?”

“I’ve been w―”

The sound of Hendery’s phone ringing made Mark jump back in surprise. He let go of Hendery, bringing his hands to his chest as if he’d been burned. Hendery also straightened up, quickly reaching for his phone. He pulled it out of the pocket of the sweatpants Mark let him borrow.

Hendery looked up at Mark. “It’s Xiaojun,” he said.

Mark held back a sigh. “Answer,” Mark replied, waving Hendery off. “I’ll pause the movie. I need to use the bathroom anyway.”

Hendery disappeared down the hall. Mark waited a moment before going himself, stepping into his room and going to the bathroom. He flicked the light on and caught sight of himself in the mirror. His entire face was a slight shade of red. He huffed, turning on the faucet and washing his face with cold water.

When the color went away and he looked normal again, he dried himself off and went back out into the hallway. He stopped right before entering the living room, seeing Hendery standing in front of the television. His phone was still against his ear.

Mark was about to retreat, not wanting to eavesdrop on Hendery’s conversation with Xiaojun, but Hendery’s next words made him stop in his tracks.

“You know I can’t say those words easily. Fine, fine…” A quick pause. “I love you. Like that? Are you happy now? Can I hang up? Mark is coming back any second. I don’t want him to hear me say that to you.”

Mark’s breath caught in his throat.

“Mark?” Hendery called out. “Is that you?”

Mark exhaled deeply. “Yeah,” he answered, stepping into the small living room. “I’m back. Sorry. Let’s start the movie again.”

Hendery smiled, but Mark looked away, not knowing how he would be able to look Hendery in the eyes again after hearing those words.

Of course.

Nothing good ever came to those that waited.

While Mark waited, sitting there and collecting dust, all the good ones got swept up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like all the rest of my works, I didn't edit this too thoroughly so that's that. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	2. I'll Take Your Hand and Kiss Your Fingers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiles for this chapter: Snowball Fight, Surprise Visit, Cookies
> 
> I have become too invested into getting these two together, I feel like I haven't focused on the tiles that much? I am very sorry. Ah...
> 
> Also, I’ll tell you now, contrary to the chapter title, there will be no kissing of fingers, but a touch of hand holding will occur.

Mark took a deep breath, exhaling slowly after a few seconds of holding it in. It came out in a white puff, disappearing in front of him within a second. 

He took another.

He held it in a little longer this time. One, two, three, four…

“Mark.”

He exhaled in frustration. “What?”

“Hey, don’t get all mad at me,” Donghyuck replied somewhat coldly.

Mark looked at Donghyuck. There was no anger in his face. It was a blank expression. Donghyuck blinked at him. A look of disinterest crossed his features and he looked away, at the sidewalk ahead of them.

“Mark Lee, what I’d give to be in your mind,” was all Donghyuck said after a minute of silently walking.

“What I’d give to be in yours,” Mark replied glumly. He sighed, another puff of white air appearing in front of him only to go away just as quickly. He shoved his hands further into his coat pockets, wiggling his fingers to get the blood circulating through them. “Unlike me, you have no problems to worry about.”

Donghyuck gave him a small shove, clicking his tongue at Mark.

“It only _looks_ like I have no worries, Mark Lee,” he said. “I have lots of problems to deal with. I just don’t wear them on my face as you do. Tell me, has Hendery even noticed?”

Mark huffed. “He never notices anything,” he replied, lips turning down into a frown.

He thought of a few nights ago, of the Christmas Eve party one of their seniors had thrown. Mark couldn’t remember the host’s name, but everyone he knew had been invited. Whether his friends knew the host or not, he didn’t know. He had thought of not going, but when Hendery had mentioned it a few days before finals, Mark had reluctantly agreed to go, on the condition that they went together.

That’s when they decided to meet up at Mark’s apartment.

And though Donghyuck had told Mark to make it memorable and special, Mark had done anything but.

Hendery came around seven, ready to party. Mark’s breath caught in his throat and he could barely get any words out. He had seen Hendery like this many times, but somehow the thought of possibly confessing his feelings made everything much more nerve-wracking.

Hendery… dressed in a comfy sweater and tight jeans that hugged the right parts of his body snugly… it was too much for Mark to handle.

So Mark hadn’t said anything when they were at his apartment. He had been so distracted that he had forgotten his gloves and nearly left his phone. He would have gone back but they were beginning to run late, so Mark didn’t mention it and instead, they left his apartment to wait outside.

Mark decided that it would happen there, on the way to the party. But it wasn’t right.

The timing was not right.

Not at the start of a cold night, with frozen fingers and his voice shaking from the cold as he shivered and shook. That was not the way to go about it. Hendery deserved something determined and confident, something clear and warm. He didn’t deserve Mark stuttering and shaking underneath his thick parka, unable to get the words out.

Though there had been a point during the time they were waiting when Mark thought it was possible. As they waited for their ride to pull up to the curb of the apartment complex’s parking lot, Hendery had looked over at Mark with a warm smile and even warmer eyes. He had reached over, taking Mark’s cold hand in his. Mark had only watched in surprise as Hendery brought it to the pocket of his coat, pulling it inside. 

And for a moment, Mark had felt warm.

If there had a moment made for Mark to confess his feelings, it was then and there.

_Hendery, I like you, as in more than friends._

All Mark had to do was gather the courage to say the words. But when it came time to say it, he had stuttered and stopped.

“Hendery,” he had said, teeth chattering and his breath coming out in puffs of white underneath the dim glow of the streetlight above them.

“Hm?”

And suddenly, frozen. 

Silence so thick and heavy like crystal clear icicles hanging from a ceiling. Mark was standing beneath them, ready for them to fall around him, shattering on the ground below, ready to fall onto him and pierce his skin. 

Mark couldn’t move. Say the words, he told himself. But his mind was not sending the message to his mouth. He stared at Hendery, mouth open, no words coming out.

Hendery was waiting. For once, Hendery was waiting for Mark.

Mark couldn’t do it. 

“When is the car getting here? It’s freezing,” he said instead, looking away to stare down the empty street.

Hendery hadn’t let go, holding onto Mark’s hand tightly until a car pulled up in front of them to take them to the party. And when he let go, Mark felt him take all the warmth within him, leaving him hollow and frozen, chilled down to the bones. 

And the feeling remained. The moment they arrived at the party, Mark knew that it would not happen.

His friends had pulled him away from Hendery and Hendery’s friends had dragged him away as well, separating them for the night. Mark tried to distract himself and engage in the lively environment. It was a party after all.

Expensive food and drinks were provided, Mark partaking because it wasn’t often he got to drink such rich champagne or eat carefully cooked delicacies. Soft music filled the room, a crackling fire and enthusiastic conversations providing accompaniment. It was not a typical party, filled with loud booming bass and heavy alcohol. It was classy and calm. 

Calm. Mark had to stay calm.

The house was warm, from the heater, the fire, the amount of people crowding in the small living room, but Mark was still shivering.

Calm, he told himself. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to stop the shaking of his body, of his heart. It was like he was left out in the cold.

His mind was too focused on one thought, one person. He had to push it away.

He forced himself to feign interest and listened to Jaemin’s story about something Jeno had done, trying his best to keep up and say the right things at the right time. He made himself talk Donghyuck into speaking with the senior he had a crush on, wishing Donghyuck good luck even though Mark was nowhere near close to taking the advice he gave his friend.

Later, when Mark wanted to find Hendery, he had found him, standing in the kitchen. 

Donghyuck had left him to be with Taeil. Jeno and Renjun had stepped outside to enjoy the night and sneak in a private moment together. Jaemin had begun to introduce himself to the other guests and jump into conversations with people Mark didn’t know. Mark hadn’t been sure where Johnny was, or Jaehyun, and he didn’t want to put the effort in to seek them out. He just wanted to go home.

But not alone.

Hendery had said they’d leave together.

Mark’s search for Hendery begun in the living room, but it was filled with unfamiliar faces. He checked the hall bathroom, peeked outside into the snowy night, and he had found nothing.

The kitchen was left alone for the most part.

Bottles in ice buckets and large glass dishes with food were placed all over the counters. Discarded plates and flutes began to clutter near the sink. Mark took this in quickly, his attention turning to Hendery right after.

He had been speaking to Xiaojun. His back was facing Mark, so he hadn’t seen him. Xiaojun was looking at Hendery very intently. Mark doubted he saw him either. 

And just when Mark was about to go in and pull Hendery away from his conversation, Lucas had rushed in, something in hand. He laughed as he raised his arm, bringing the item in hand up over their heads. Hendery stopped speaking, his head turning up to look at what it was. Xiaojun did as well.

Before Mark could process it, Lucas was holding mistletoe over their heads, a hand on Xiaojun’s back, pushing him towards Hendery.

Hendery turned his head away. Mark saw the blush on his cheeks and how wide his eyes were. Hendery stepped away from Xiaojun and Lucas, both of them letting out exclamations. Xiaojun shoved Lucas away, which made Lucas laugh and he began to tease Xiaojun.

They hadn’t noticed Hendery step away. He turned around.

And so had Mark.

The rest of the party had been a blur. Mark had taken a ride home with Donghyuck to his shared apartment with Jeno and Renjun. He wasn’t sure if Hendery had seen him leave the kitchen when he turned around. It had made him nervous. He wondered if Hendery was thinking of him and where he had gone.

And now, after two days, Mark remained in the small apartment that belonged to his friends.

Perhaps he’d move in and start a new life, a few blocks away from where he lived, where Hendery lived. 

“Mark Lee, there is only so much moping you can do on our couch,” Donghyuck said with an exasperated sigh. Mark didn’t look at him. “Please. We need our couch back.”

“Stop using my full name,” Mark said instead. He brought his hand to his face, pulling up his scarf to cover his mouth. His voice was muffled when he spoke. “Please.”

“Now, you know I can’t do that.” Donghyuck tutted. He gave Mark a look. “Asking me to wipe away a lifetime’s worth of me calling you Mark Lee, shame on you.”

Mark ignored him. Donghyuck would poke and tease but he would leave Mark alone after a moment. He knew that Mark wasn’t feeling it. And as expected, after another few seconds of silence, Donghyuck’s teasing smile disappeared with a long sigh.

They walked quietly. The wind bit at their noses and cheeks. The snow that hadn’t been cleared from the sidewalk crunched underneath their boots. In the distance, the occasional car driving by or the sound of other people that were out and about, speaking loudly and warmly.

“What are we having for dinner tonight?” Mark asked, just to break the silence.

Beside him, Donghyuck hummed. He seemed to think about it for a moment, but then his eyes widened. A bright smile crossed his face and there was now a small jump to his step. Mark’s laugh was muffled by his scarf. 

“What is that?” Mark asked.

Donghyuck nudged him in the side. “I think we’re having a little bit of Hendery,” he said, motioning with his chin to something ahead of them.

Mark’s heart stopped. “What?” he asked, looking before them. He pulled his scarf down, letting out a huff. “What is he doing here?”

Hendery was standing in front of the building, in the middle of the sidewalk, hands in his pockets. He was leaning back and looking up at the windows that decorated the front of the apartment building. He seemed to be speaking to himself.

Donghyuck stopped walking and dropped down to the ground, crouching.

“Hey!” Mark exclaimed at Donghyuck, his gaze following.

He watched as Donghyuck pulled his hands out of his pockets and grabbed a fistful of snow, balling it up in his hands. It was a small ball but it seemed to satisfy him. Donghyuck stood up and Mark could see him bringing his arm up and back.

“Donghyuck,” Mark warned, reaching out to block Donghyuck, but it was too late.

“Hey, Hendery!” Donghyuck yelled, throwing the snowball in Hendery’s direction with a small grunt.

Hendery looked towards them, surprised, and then his expression became panicked as he noticed the small snowball flying through the air. Unfortunately for Donghyuck, his aim was off and the snowball was moving a bit too slow. The snowball landed at Hendery’s feet, breaking apart.

“Hey!” Hendery said back.

He looked around the sidewalk. It had been cleared of snow, but Hendery was quick to move to the planter boxes at the front of the building that held some bright, white snow. He grabbed a fistful and balled it up. He turned towards them.

Hendery threw the snowball in their direction. It went over the distance between them quickly, coming closer and closer as they just stood there. Mark grabbed Donghyuck’s hand and pulled him aside, blocking his front when he realized that Hendery’s aim was more precise than Donghyuck’s had been.

“Mark,” Donghyuck gasped, nearly slipping on the sidewalk as Mark tugged him to the side. He grabbed onto the front of Mark’s parka, pulling himself up and then wrapping his arms around his neck.

Mark tried to look over his shoulder towards Hendery, who was looking at them curiously. Realizing that Donghyuck was wrapped around him, Mark reached behind his neck and wrapped his fingers around Donghyuck’s wrists, pulling them down.

“Hyuck,” he whispered.

“Oh, sorry,” Donghyuck said. Mark let him go and he stepped back, wiping down the front of his coat even though there was nothing on it. “I got scared by the snowball.”

“Well then, maybe you shouldn’t h―”

Something hard hit Mark’s back and he let out a grunt. He stumbled forward, crashing into Donghyuck. He grabbed Donghyuck’s shoulders and pulled himself back onto his feet.

Once he was steady, he turned around and looked at Hendery. The most mischevious smile was drawn across his lips. He raised his hand and waved. Mark felt the words he was about to say disappear from his mind.

“Mark!” Hendery called out.

Mark looked around frantically. He reached for some snow from the top of a window sill from a store and balled it up in his gloved hands. He pressed it together tightly until it was the size of a baseball. He looked towards Hendery, who looked like he was waiting.

Instead of throwing it, Mark took a few strides closer, closing the gap between them a bit. He wasn’t confident that he could throw it and successfully hit Hendery from where he had been. Like this, Mark had a better chance. Hendery opened his arms wide and tilted his head up.

Mark raised his arm, ready to throw.

“Anywhere but my face, Mark!” Hendery said with a laugh.

It caught Mark off guard. He took a step forward, about to throw, but Hendery’s laugh surprised him. He felt his foot hit the ground awkwardly. The snow that had melted over the day had created a puddle on the sidewalk. The water splashed up around his foot and then he was slipping. He let go of the snowball in his hands and it fell short, breaking apart at Hendery’s feet as Donghyuck’s had.

Mark let out a wordless yell as he began to fall forward. He brought his arms out in front of him, hoping that it’d be enough to keep him from smashing face-first onto the slippery sidewalk.

“Mark!” Donghyuck and Hendery exclaimed at the same time.

When his palms hit the concrete, a poignant pain shot up his arms, leaving a tingling sensation up to his shoulders. He let out a pained cry before letting himself fall onto the concrete, well aware that his entire front was going to be soaked in melted snow and whatever else was on the sidewalk.

Mark’s eyes screwed shut just before he began to cry. He bit down on his bottom lip. He rolled over onto his back and brought his right hand up to his chest, cradling it against himself. It seemed like it had taken more damage from the fall. He moaned out in pain as he held onto his wrist.

“Mark!” Donghyuck cried.

He heard Donghyuck come closer and crouch beside him, breathing hard above him. He felt Donghyuck’s hands hovering over him as if he wasn’t sure where to touch or how to help.

Another pair of footsteps approached.

“Mark.” Hendery’s voice was soft and calm. “Mark?”

Mark tried his best to open his eyes. Donghyuck was looking at Hendery with wide eyes, but Hendery was looking at Mark. He couldn’t keep his eyes open for another second. He let out another groan.

“Help me up,” he managed to say.

Hendery and Donghyuck pulled Mark up into a sitting position, holding onto his shoulders so he wouldn’t fall back down. Mark stretched out his legs over the concrete, surprised that he hadn’t hurt his ankles when he fell as well. He huffed under his breath.

Donghyuck pulled off his gloves, already reaching out to grab Mark. “Mark, I’m―”

Hendery moved a bit quicker. Before Donghyuck’s hands could reach Mark, Hendery’s long, thin fingers were pushing Mark’s hair back, tucking the strands behind his ear. His hand moved to cradle Mark’s jaw, holding his face in place. Mark felt how cold his fingers were and he shivered in shock.

He looked at Mark, worried. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Mark looked at Hendery with wide eyes. The pain in his right wrist had turned into a sharp throbbing that he could ignore for a minute. “I, I don’t think so,” he stammered. He looked towards Donghyuck. “I’m fine.”

“Come, let me help you up,” Hendery said. He slipped his arm underneath Mark’s, firmly wrapping it around his waist. Hendery began to stand and he pulled Mark right up with him. He removed his arm, making sure Mark could stand up by himself. “You could’ve seriously hurt yourself, Mark.”

Mark felt embarrassed. Not only had he fallen, but he had also hurt his wrist. All because of a snowball.

He felt a blush crawl up his neck, to the tips of his ears. “Yeah,” he said.

He kept his wrist against his chest, holding it still.

Hendery eyed his hand. “We’ll have to get you to someone that can help.” He looked at Donghyuck, who had remained oddly quiet the entire time. “Do you know if there’s an urgent care anywhere nearby?”

Donghyuck gave Hendery a small smile. “I can take Mark, Hendery,” he said. There was something different in his voice. Mark stared at his friend. “You came to see Yangyang or something?”

Mark looked back at Hendery. His expression was unreadable. Mark knew that Yangyang also lived in this building with another boy, but Hendery’s visits to Yangyang had never overlapped with Mark’s visits to see his friends. Hendery pursed his lips.

“No, actually,” he started, his eyes never leaving Donghyuck. There was a firmness to his tone that caught Mark off guard. “I came to get Mark. I wasn’t sure what unit you were in so I couldn’t buzz up.”

“Me?” Mark asked.

In his chest, he felt his heart begin to race. Hendery had come… _for him_?

“Oh,” Donghyuck said, “Did you now?”

“Yes,” Hendery answered.

Donghyuck laughed. It was a bright sound, but there was something off about it. “We were just about to start making dinner,” he said. There was a challenge in his eyes. Mark caught on to what he was doing. Donghyuck’s eyes focused on him. “Right, Mark?”

Mark sighed. “Can I…” He looked at the ground. “Hyuck, I think… I’m going with Hendery.”

Mark glanced up at Donghyuck. As he expected, Donghyuck didn’t look the least bit upset or worried. Instead, he was biting back the biggest grin. As Hendery turned to look at him, Donghyuck huffed, pulling his lips down into a frown.

What an actor.

“Well,” Donghyuck said, sounding glum, “I’ll call you later when you’re home then. Hendery, take care of him.”

Donghyuck began to step away, waving at them. He kept on the face until Hendery looked at Mark. Mark’s attention didn’t leave Donghyuck.

A second later, Donghyuck was smiling and giving him a thumbs up.

“Mark,” Hendery said.

“Hm?” Mark’s attention shifted. He met Hendery’s eyes.

“Let’s go,” he said. His gaze moved down to Mark’s wrist, still against his chest. “Your wrist is going to begin to swell up if we don’t get it wrapped and iced soon.”

“Of course.”

Mark was about to begin walking in the direction he and Donghyuck had come from, but he was stopped by Hendery taking his hand. Even through his gloves, he could feel how cold his hands were. Again, it surprised him. He jumped a bit and stared down at them.

“Hey, uh, your hands are so c―”

As he was beginning to look up, Mark felt Hendery’s other hand come up to hold his chin, tilting his head up the rest of the way so he could see him. Feeling Hendery’s hands like this sent a shock through Mark. His fingers were _so cold._

But then there was warmth.

The words melted on Mark’s tongue, like snowflakes as they hit a warm surface, disappearing completely, when Hendery closed the space in between them, pressed his lips against Mark’s firmly.

* * *

“He _kissed_ you?”

Mark felt himself blush. He looked around his living room. He was alone, but it was still embarrassing to hear. He felt like his neighbors would be able to hear. He looked at his phone, where Donghyuck’s contact took over the screen, the small speakerphone button on it lit up.

“Donghyuck,” he hissed, eyes still moving around his apartment, “Shut up! They’re going to hear you.”

He carefully lifted the plate of cookies on his lap, putting it on the coffee table beside his phone. He eyed them as he waited for Donghyuck to answer him. With a sigh, he reached out and snatched another one.

He bit into it, tasting the chocolate chips and feeling them melt in his mouth, a slight saltiness mixing in with it. He hummed contently.

He’d have to thank his neighbor for giving him the sweet treats as a small Christmas gift.

“Mark Lee,” Donghyuck finally said after a long minute, pulling Mark out of his cookie enjoyment. He sounded serious. “This is a very important event.”

He waited. Donghyuck was not finished.

“Mark!” Donghyuck exclaimed. It sounded a bit whiny. “He likes you!”

Mark sniffed.

He looked at the cookie he was holding. It had too many chocolate chips, he noticed. He took another bite. It was too much. He chewed for a moment, considering Donghyuck’s words.

Hendery, like him?

He wondered.

“I don’t know,” Mark said after he swallowed. “He didn’t say anything after that.”

Hendery had taken Mark by surprise, but he did that often. Hendery sometimes did things with no reason, no explanation other than ‘I wanted to’ or ‘I was curious’ so Mark wondered if Hendery had just… kissed him because he was curious.

That seemed to be a bit awful when Mark thought about it. Mark had heard Hendery’s conversation with Xiaojun the week before. He had seen them at the party on Christmas Eve. Xiaojun… Hendery was with… Xiaojun… right?

It was wrong of Hendery to do that to Mark and Xiaojun. Mark would have to tell him. He had to come clean. He couldn’t keep this to himself. He wouldn’t be able to look at Hendery or Xiaojun otherwise. But Mark felt his stomach twist and form knots inside him. 

He couldn’t tell him!

Hendery kissing him only made Mark realize that he wanted this more than anything else in the world right now. Whether Hendery knew it or not, he was beginning to string Mark along. Mark, who was completely and hopelessly pining after Hendery, knew that it was wrong.

But was it?

“That is unacceptable,” Donghyuck said. 

It was wrong.

“Mark Lee, please tell me that you asked him about it.”

Oh.

Mark’s silence was the only answer that Donghyuck needed.

Donghyuck groaned loudly, sounding out through the small speaker on Mark’s phone and into the room. It was like Donghyuck was right there. “Mark Lee!”

“What?” Mark asked defensively. He shoved the last bite of his cookie into his mouth.

“Mark, that’s not right. He just… _kisses_ you and says nothing, and you don’t even ask why or what?”

Mark swallowed hard. “Hyuck, I was hurt,” he said.

Following the... kiss, Mark had moved his hand, which made a unbearable pain shoot through his wrist. They had hurried to the urgent care, not saying anything about what had happened. 

He lowered his voice to a whisper, eyes looking around again, “And you don’t have to keep saying that!”

“Say what?” Donghyuck hummed. “Oh! You mean, say that Hendery _kissed_ you?”

Donghyuck was speaking too loud now. Mark’s neighbors would hear him if he continued. Mark reached out and took his phone from the coffee table, taking it off speakerphone and bringing it to his ear.

“Yes, Donghyuck!” he said, exasperated. “That!”

“It’s not right,” Donghyuck said. He sounded pouty now. Mark could just see him, with big, shiny eyes and a small pout on his lips. “Mark, you’re going to get hurt.”

“Donghyuck, I’m fine.”

Was he?

“Mark.”

Before he could answer, the sound of the doorbell rang through the apartment. Mark’s eyes shot up as he looked towards the small entrance. His mouth fell open, not sure if he should continue with the thought in his mind or tell Donghyuck he had to go. The sound rang through a second time and Mark moved off his couch.

“Um, I… Hyuck, I, uh, have to go,” he said, hitting the button to end the call before Donghyuck could answer and tossing his phone back onto the couch. 

He crept towards the front door. His socks muffled his footsteps as he got closer. He held his breath.

He wasn’t expecting anyone. He stepped into the small entryway and unlocked the door, pulling it open. His eyes widened when he saw who it was.

“Hendery,” he said, hearing the surprise in his voice, “Oh, uh, hi.”

“Hey,” Hendery said, pinching his lips, eyebrows raising in greeting. He had his hands in his coat pockets. He clicked his tongue, looking away as he rocked back on his heels. His eyes came back to Mark’s face for a second, eyeing him. “You busy?”

“No,” Mark answered. Hendery raised his eyebrows in question. Mark automatically stepped back, opening the door enough for Hendery to step inside as he realized the tone he had used with Hendery. He cleared his throat. “Um, come in. I was just, uh, chilling and eating cookies.”

Hendery stepped inside, excusing himself. He took off his shoes but he didn’t reach for the guest slippers. He looked back at Mark.

Mark closed the front door and motioned for Hendery to go into the living room.

“You could’ve told me you were coming,” Mark said as he tiptoed behind Hendery. He nearly crashed into him when he stopped abruptly. Mark tilted his head to the side and stared at the back at Hendery’s head. “Hendery?”

Hendery whirled around. He took his hands out of his pockets. He held them out in front of himself, palms facing Mark, and his eyes drifted away, looking somewhere else, up at the ceiling. He was thinking. 

Mark waited.

With a long sigh, Hendery dropped his hands. “Mark, I―”

Mark held up a hand. “Um, wait,” he said. He moved to scratch behind his ear. He avoided Hendery’s eyes. He looked up at the ceiling as well. “Whatever you’re going to say, and I think I know what you’re going to say, uh… I don’t think you should say it.”

When he finally met Hendery’s eyes, he saw confusion. Hendery’s mouth parted, but it took a second for the words to form and come out.

“Mark, I don’t think you know what I’m here to say,” Hendery said. He brought his hands back up in front of him. He seemed unsure of what to do now. “I have to tell you this. About earlier, I just―”

“Ah!” Mark exclaimed suddenly, cutting Hendery off. He took a small step back, grabbing his wrapped wrist and dropping his head. He chanced a glance up at Hendery.

Hendery’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he whispered. His hands reached for Mark’s, carefully pulling it away from his injured wrist. He carefully brought Mark’s wrist up so he could see it better. He unfurled Mark’s wrist, holding his hand in his palm, thumb resting on the palm of Mark’s hand. He looked at Mark, meeting his eyes. “Does it still hurt?”

“Ah, a bit,” Mark stuttered. He tried pulling his arm back, but Hendery had a good hold on him.

“Stop, Mark,” he murmured, carefully looking at the wrap Mark had. He touched it gingerly. It wasn’t enough to hurt Mark. “Is it fine now?”

“It is,” Mark answered, a bit breathless.

Hendery tugged Mark a bit closer, careful not to hurt his wrist. Mark felt his breath hitch as the space between them became smaller. “Mark, I…”

Mark searched Hendery’s eyes. Something… something was there.

He had waited for so long. Was this the moment?

“Earlier…” Hendery swallowed hard. “Earlier, when I… you know, I, um, I did that because―”

No.

Mark could hear Donghyuck’s voice yelling in the back of his head. 

Mark Lee! Common sense to Mark Lee!

He pulled away slowly, creating space between them. He inhaled, exhaled. “Hendery,” he said, interrupting him again, “I know that it was a mistake.”

”A mistake,” Hendery repeated.

“Yes, it was a―uh, a mistake made in a moment of confusion, I think, and I won’t tell Xiaojun about it. But I―”

“Xiaojun?”

Mark blinked. “Yes, um…” He frowned, tilting his head. “Xiaojun…”

“Mark,” Hendery said. “Why are you… mentioning him?”

The frown on Mark’s face deepened. “Well, aren’t you… don’t you, like, like him?”

“Like Xiaojun? Me?”

Mark nodded. “Yeah, I heard―”

He stopped. He didn’t need to tell Hendery he had overheard his conversation with Xiaojun that night.

“You heard?”

“Yeah,” Mark said dryly. “I just heard, in passing.”

“All right.” 

Hendery was frowning. He stepped back, hands going back into his pockets.

“Mark, I’m going to… go now,” he said. He cleared his throat. “Now that it’s all been clarified. I just didn’t want you to... misunderstand.”

“Okay,” Mark said slowly, elongating the word. “Yeah, I get it.”

He followed Hendery back to the entryway. He watched as he put his shoes back on and opened the front door. Hendery stepped back out into the hall. He looked at Mark.

“I’ll see you,” he said. He bit on his bottom lip. “I’ll wait for you… um, to go to the New Year’s Eve party, together. I’ll text you.” 

“Yeah,” Mark answered. “That’s fine.”

Hendery disappeared from the doorway, leaving down the hall. Mark heard the elevator open and close.

He closed the door, turning around and bringing his back to rest against it.

His heart was racing.

A moment later, his phone rang in the living room. He let it go to voicemail. 

He slid down the door until he hit the floor. He stretched his legs out in front of him, eyes focused on the plaid pattern of his pajama pants. He brought his injured hand up, pressing his palm against his chest. He took a few deep breaths.

Too much had happened.

Had it been…?

Mark knocked his head back against the front door, a small thud echoing in the entryway. He realized that he had done the wrong thing.

He’d never know now.


	3. No Need for Chill, Just Lose Your Filter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, wanted to get this up before I went to a thing and here I am, right before I leave for it. It's 11:16 PM as I'm posting this, so... still 2019! It's unedited and completely written in a rush, but I just had to do it.
> 
> To those who have already celebrated: Happy New Year. Happy Kun Day.
> 
> Tiles in this part: Midnight Kiss, Last Minute Shopping

“It’s a party, Mark!” Jaemin exclaimed.

The flashing lights around them shone on his face in different colors, switching with the beat of the bass that shook the floor beneath them. Mark saw how the light caught Jaemin’s eyes, making them look like they were shining, despite his vision being clouded by the fog that was pouring from the machines placed around the place.

“Let loose!”

Jaemin let Mark’s hand go and stepped backward. He continued to move, silently asking Mark to follow him into the dancing crowd, but Mark didn’t. Jaemin’s hand was grabbed by a girl and he turned to look at her, letting her pull him away, disappearing completely from Mark’s sight.

Mark sighed, but the sound was not heard. The music was too loud and underneath it, he could hear the clinking of glasses, loud yells and shrill exclamations, heavy steps. His sigh was lost beneath all the sound.

He looked over the dance floor, seeing people he recognized and others that he didn’t. Hands touching on bodies as the song went on and on, the DJ standing behind his set up on the other side of the floor.

He wondered how it would feel to leave the party earlier. The club had stopped letting people in for the night, filling up capacity, and if he left, he wouldn’t be let back in. He’d be stuck out in the cold and forced to find a way to go home.

That wouldn’t be fun.

Another sigh.

“Mark!”

Hands grabbed him and he jumped, turning around. Underneath the lights, he saw Donghyuck’s smiling face. His smile was a bit too bright, meaning that Donghyuck had already had a bit to drink. He clung onto Mark, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Mark, you look so sad,” Donghyuck said, loud enough for Mark to hear.

“I think I’m going to go home,” he said.

Donghyuck frowned. “But it’s almost midnight!”

Exactly, Mark wanted to say. It was almost midnight.

He couldn’t be here, surrounded by everyone, but feeling so alone. He didn’t want another year like that. If he was outside when the clock hit midnight, he’d be alone and feel alone, which would be better for him to handle.

Donghyuck was pulled back by a hand. Mark noticed that Jeno was there. He had his hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder and was saying something into his ear. Donghyuck’s face lit up and he looked back at Mark.

“Mark!” he exclaimed, unwrapping his arms and moving his hands to Mark’s shoulders. “Hendery is looking for you!”

“What?”

“Hendery! Jeno said he’s looking for you!”

Mark looked over his shoulder, towards the dance floor again. He had seen Hendery, moving there at some point, trying to break through, but then he had disappeared. He looked back at Donghyuck.

“I have to find him!” he said, grabbing Donghyuck’s arms and pulling his hands off him. “I’ll see you!”

Jeno pulled Donghyuck away. He gave Mark a small wave. Mark returned the gesture with a tight-lipped smile.

Hendery was looking for him.

Why?

Mark entered the large dancing crowd. He felt hands fall onto him accidentally, disappearing before he could see who they belonged to. He heard voices and smelled the alcohol that the people around him had been drinking. It was strong and it made him wrinkle his nose, but he continued, moving further and further, scanning every person’s face with the lights that flashed on and off in different colors.

Some stared back at him, blinking as if wondering why Mark was looking at him. Mark averted his eyes then. They weren’t who he was looking for.

He also avoided looking at the people that were doing more than dancing in the crowd. He quickly turned his attention elsewhere when his eyes landed on couples, hands in places they shouldn’t be and mouths against hot skin, only seen in flashes of light.

Mark made it to the other side as the song finished, the crowd beginning to die down. But just as they settled, another one began and everyone cheered, beginning to move and sway to the rhythm of the next song, raising their arms high above, some clutching their glasses in their hands.

When Mark stumbled out, his nose was filled with the stench of cigarettes. He held his breath, hurrying away from the corner where people were smoking, the puffs that they let out combining with the artificial fog around the club.

“Mark!”

He looked up and met Taeyong’s eyes. At his side, Yuta. He tilted his head curiously.

“Mark,” Yuta said, “Who are you looking for?”

“Hendery,” Mark answered. He bit down on his bottom lip. He looked over Taeyong’s shoulder, seeing Hendery’s face. He looked back at them, already sidestepping them. “Sorry, I’ve just spotted him. Happy new year!”

He left before either of them could answer. He got closer and closer to the bar. His eyes were locked on Hendery.

Hendery was looking around, stretching his neck up to see over the crowd. Mark wanted to yell out to get his attention but his voice would not be heard, or it would be too loud and disrupt those around him.

“Stay,” Mark whispered, feeling desperation crawl up his body. “For once, Hendery, wait for me.”

Hendery didn’t. Mark saw him turn around and begin to walk away, disappearing behind a group of guys. Mark cursed under his breath.

He stopped walking, letting out a huff. He moved to the bar and leaned on the countertop.

“Something for you?”

Mark glanced at the bartender briefly. He waved his hand and shook his head. “Nah,” he said. “I’m good.”

The bartender shrugged and moved away to attend a group of girls that had walked up on the other end. Mark turned his attention to the spot Hendery had been in.

The club wasn’t that large, but with the sheer amount of people, trying to find Hendery felt impossible.

They had come together but Hendery had gone off to find Lucas, telling Mark that he would be back. Jaemin had found Mark, waiting at the front.

“I’m waiting for Hendery,” Mark had said.

“Ah, ah! He’s not coming back, Mark!” Jaemin exclaimed, “Come with us. Let’s have some fun.”

That had been hours ago. Mark had taken a few shots, allowed himself to dance in the furthest corner with Jaemin and Renjun, but then it had stopped being fun and he couldn’t help but wonder if Hendery had ever returned to the spot he had left Mark waiting.

Perhaps not.

There were too many people now. Mark wasn’t even sure where he had been waiting in the first place. It was hard to tell in the dimly lit club.

Hendery wouldn’t be able to find him.

Mark pulled out his phone and unlocked it, going to the messages. Hendery had sent him the last message, telling him he was outside in the car, ready to go to the club.

Mark typed something in but deleted it quickly. His eyes flicked up to the time in the corner of his screen.

11:53.

He typed something else and read it over a few times.

_ I’m waiting for you. _

He deleted it, typed again. Something longer. 

_ Where are you? Wait for me. I’ll go to you. _

No. Something else. Shorter. Simpler.

_ Are you waiting for me? _

Mark tapped the backspace button on his small keyboard until the words disappeared, another sigh escaping his mouth. The clock in the corner of the screen changed to 11:54. He held his phone in his hand, staring at Hendery’s last message.

_ Hey. I’m waiting for you outside. Come out. _

Mark didn’t have the courage. He looked towards the bartender, ready to call out and order something that would burn. Something strong to distract him from the inner turmoil he was feeling. He had six minutes, no, five minutes left.

In his hand, his phone buzzed. He looked down at the screen. The chat with Hendery was still open and there, a new message.

_ I’m looking for you. Come to the restrooms. _

Mark looked up, scanning the club. He found the sign over the small hall where the restrooms were. He pushed himself off the bar counter and began to move in that direction, a slight bounce to his step. He needed to move quickly.

He squeezed in between people, excusing himself quietly. He kept his hands to himself as he moved through the crowded floor. He held his breath as he passed through the smoking crowd, making himself a bit lightheaded. The sign for the restrooms was closer and closer.

Mark looked around, but he saw nothing. There was a line for the ladies’ restroom and a few people outside the men’s. He didn’t see Hendery though.

“There are four minutes left,” Mark heard someone say as they walked by him. 

Four minutes. Mark took a few deep breaths.

“Mark.”

He turned around, releasing the inhale he had been holding. “Hendery,” he said.

Hendery was there. Mark couldn’t see his face. The lights went in and out, changing colors, dark and moody to fit the song that was playing. Even though it had been loud, Mark couldn’t help but feel like it had quieted down. Everything around him had gotten a bit quieter.

All he heard was Hendery.

“Let’s go outside,” Hendery said. He turned on his heel and began to walk away.

Mark trailed behind him, reaching out to grab Hendery’s sleeve. Hendery looked over his shoulder and smiled. He took Mark’s hand properly, holding it tightly as he pulled Mark through the crowd.

Hendery led him to a door. It was an exit. He pushed it open and Mark felt the cold chill rush in, making him shudder. He looked at Hendery, who stared outside.

They stepped out. Mark tried to catch the door when he realized they could only open it from the inside, but Hendery pulled him further away, deeper into the side alley of the bar.

There was a streetlight shining down over them. It cast shadows on Hendery’s face, illuminating him from above. Mark wondered if he looked the same, face covered with dark shadows, concealing his feelings.

He couldn’t tell what Hendery was feeling. What he was thinking.

Mark wanted to ask, but his lips were cold. They were frozen in place. Mark was beginning to feel the cold settle into his fingers, still locked with Hendery’s, also getting cold.

He exhaled. A white puff.

Hendery said nothing. He just looked at Mark for a moment.

“Hendery―”

“Mark, don’t say anything,” Hendery interrupted. “I have to say something first.”

“Okay.”

Mark waited.

He was tired of waiting. How much longer would Hendery make him wait?

“Okay,” Hendery said. He took a step closer. “Mark, I don’t know who you heard it from, but I wished that you had just asked me about Xiaojun yourself.”

Mark’s heart stuttered in his chest. “O-oh?”

He knew that there were two ways this conversation could go.

Hendery could tell Mark that it was true. Xiaojun was interested in Hendery and Hendery reciprocated those feelings. Or maybe it wasn’t true and they were extremely close friends, on the same level as him and Donghyuck. Mark would understand that. But in this scenario, for whatever reason, Hendery couldn’t accept Mark’s feelings. He wouldn’t be able to meet Mark’s eyes as he said it and Mark would feel cold, feel nothing as his entire soul left his body, embarrassed about being rejected out in the cold minutes before midnight.

Or… Hendery could say something else.

Mark felt stupid for hoping, but he had just enough faith that something good would come to him. Finally, something he wanted would come to him.

He imagined it.

Hendery could tell Mark that it was him, yes,  _ him _ that he liked, and that he had been waiting for years to tell Mark, not knowing that Mark had been waiting for him, too. Hendery could say that he felt the tension, the way that they were stuck between friends and something more, always teetering on the line. Swaying over the edge with unsure looks and careful touches, hoping that the other wouldn’t notice how much more there was to it, how much hope they had silently sitting in their hearts. Having those thoughts, but never knowing how to say it, how to proceed with it.

Always just waiting for the perfect moment. A moment where eyes would meet and hands would reach for another, thinking the same thing, hoping for the same thing.

Heart thumping, hands sweating each time they were close, almost… almost…

_ Almost _ there, just about to fall.

They stood on a layer of thin ice and in between them, a dark hole that led to the freezing water beneath them.

Who would slip and fall in first?

Would they ever? And if they did, would the other reach out to save them?

Or would they avoid that altogether? Would they reach over the hole and take each other’s hands, walking around it until they met somewhere in between?

Mark felt it. 

It started in his chest and bloomed over to the rest of his body. It tickled the tip of his nose and sent shocks to his toes. Something warm, like arms wrapping around him and holding him tight, like putting on a coat or pulling thick blankets over his head, like putting his hands over a fire and feeling the heat begin to melt away the cold that had him frozen…

“It didn’t have to be this hard,” Hendery said, “But you are terrible at reading signals.”

Mark blinked, snapping out of his daze. “What?” He blinked up at Hendery.

The cold hit him like he just had ice water dumped over his head.

For a moment, Mark feared rejection. Rejection had never stopped Mark from doing what he wanted and accomplishing great things, but this rejection could be the first that would tear down Mark.

He couldn’t see Hendery’s eyes. They were cast in shadows. Mark wanted to see what they held, what there was waiting for him. Should he fear rejection? Should he begin to hope?

“Months, Mark, months,” Hendery said. He sighed, a warm puff of white hitting Mark’s face. “I waited for you to notice. And I don’t know if it’s because of Donghyuck, or… or because of someone else that you haven’t told me about, but I can never seem to get you to see.”

Hope. Mark felt it begin to bubble inside him, rising. He wanted to say it, but he couldn’t. Not yet.

“See what?” His voice wavered, just above a whisper. The smallest bit of hope could be heard in his words.

He stepped closer to the edge, toes hanging over the ice. He was staring down into the cold water, wondering how it would feel to just jump in.

Hendery closed the space between their bodies. Mark felt the warmth that radiated from his body, the warmth of his breath as it fanned across Mark’s face. It made Mark inhale sharply and he tightened his hold on Hendery’s hand. His other hand curled into a fist at his side. He resisted the urge to place it on Hendery’s waist.

“See  _ me _ ,” Hendery whispered.

Mark’s breath hitched in his throat.

Hendery wanted Mark to see him. See him for something more.

It was what Mark wanted, right?

“No,” he managed to say.

He pushed Hendery back a bit, letting go of his hand, as he realized what was happening. It was what he wanted, but wondered if Hendery had the right to say  _ he _ had been waiting for  _ Mark _ all this time.

“No,” Mark repeated.

Hendery took a step back, stepping a bit away from the light. The shadows washed away, revealing Hendery’s face. He looked nervous, something Mark didn’t see much on Hendery’s face. He had his bottom lip pulled between his teeth and his eyes were wide.

Mark recognized the look. 

Hope.

It began to disappear.

Mark realized that, like him, Hendery had two paths.

In Hendery’s mind, there was the possibility of Mark accepting him. Maybe Hendery thought the same things as Mark had in those few seconds, both of them in the same spot, waiting to see who would jump first or if they would look at each other and silently decide to skip the saving, quit the waiting.

How long had Hendery been waiting? Months, he said?

Mark could reject him. If Hendery had been waiting months to say anything to Mark, it’s because he feared this. He feared this moment, right here, a moment that Mark thought he would be experiencing. Mark knew that it was what Hendery feared because he feared the same thing. It’s why he had never tried to say anything.

He liked Hendery, but he also loved Hendery as a friend. If Mark telling him tore down their friendship, he didn’t know if he would ever be able to handle it. More than being romantically rejected, Mark would lose Hendery as a friend.

People could remain friends after confessing. But it was never the same. At least, not from Mark’s experiences. He had seen his friends fall in love with other friends, people close to them, and when they faced the rejection, everything the followed was a little off.

Not enough for either person to speak about it, but just enough to drive them both crazy on the inside.

If Mark told Hendery and he was rejected, everything he did would have to be thought about thoroughly. His words would have to be carefully chosen and he wouldn’t be able to reach out and touch Hendery without being scared of him pulling away. With such feelings out in the open, rejected but not completely squashed, Hendery would always have to wonder if Mark meant it this way or that, and that was terrifying to think about. The possibility of Hendery growing distant scared Mark.

So maybe that possibility, that scenario, the one where Mark pushed him away, scared Hendery just as much.

“Hendery, I―”

He wanted to say everything.

_ Hendery, I like you, and I have been waiting for this moment for years. To have your attention, where I can look at you and say… _

“I don’t like Donghyuck, or anyone else.”

He met Hendery’s eyes. They were guarded. Mark couldn’t make out what he was feeling. He couldn’t identify any emotion in his eyes. He was protecting himself.

Hendery never guarded himself. Hendery was free and open. He―

“If I liked Donghyuck, which I never would, I would’ve said so, trust me,” Mark said. He couldn’t help but laugh. His shoulders shook and he tossed his head back a little, closing his eyes. He sighed, realizing that Hendery was not laughing. He looked back at him. “I would have told you.”

It was such a ridiculous thought. He understood that Hendery may have misinterpreted what he saw. Mark and Donghyuck were always a bit too close for the comfort of those around them. But Donghyuck had never seen Mark in that way, and if he had at one point, Mark had never known. Donghyuck’s feelings and interest in others came quick, and while strong and sincere for the moment, they also went away just as fast.

And Mark… well, Mark had been waiting for one person for the last four years of his life.

“Have I ever dated anyone while we’ve been friends?” Mark asked. “Have I ever mentioned anyone else? Have I ever texted or called, or even  _ looked _ at anyone else? Did you notice? Have you ever seen me, like  _ really _ seen me? Because, Hendery, I have been thinking and thinking about only one person. For so long, I knew that it was one person that I―”

Mark never finished.

Hendery had crossed the distance between them with one stride. His cold hands held Mark’s face, stopping him from finishing his sentence. Hendery tilted his chin up. Mark felt his thumb rest there, right underneath his bottom lip.

For the second time, Mark’s words melted on his tongue.

Hendery kissed him.

Unlike the first one, which had been a bit hesitant, just lips pressing against each other and then pulling away, this one was more confident. Hendery knew what he wanted and now he knew what Mark wanted.

Mark made a sound in the back of his throat. His hand moved to rest on Hendery’s waist, finally giving in to the urge. The other found Hendery’s hand again, fingers slipping into the spaces between Hendery’s, holding onto him tightly.

It was slow and careful as if they were testing it. But then, Hendery’s hold on Mark’s face got a bit tighter and Mark tried to push his body as close to Hendery’s as he could.

Mark felt it all. He felt the hesitation melt away, finally.

They didn’t have to hesitate anymore.

Mark had been the one that was beginning to slip but steady hands held onto him. Hendery had come around and he was holding Mark up, keeping him from falling into the cold water below.

They didn’t need to fall in.

Hendery pulled away.

“Happy new year, Mark,” he whispered, lips moving over Mark’s.

And then he kissed him again.

* * *

Mark was frazzled.

He stared at the display before him. He really couldn’t focus on one thing.

“Um, what does… Kun like?”

His attention shifted to Hendery beside him. Hendery was looking at something in his hand, reading the label on it intently.

“Uh, anything, really,” he answered. He put the thing in his hand back, nose pulled up in distaste. “Well, except anything from here.”

Mark knew Kun through several people.

Hendery was good friends with Kun. Xiaojun, Yangyang, Lucas… they knew Kun as well.

And Johnny. Johnny never stopped talking about him. It was always a little bit of Kun this and a little bit of Kun that. But Mark never learned much about him. He had met Kun several times, but never alone and never long enough to get to know each other too well.

Mark felt a bit awkward. Kun had graciously extended the invitation to him, telling Mark that he was welcomed as a friend. But Mark wasn’t friends with Kun himself, just those around him.

He looked at the card in his hand. It wasn’t a very personal card. He had chosen it from the birthday card section, picking something nice that didn’t cross the boundary. He didn’t know Kun well enough to give him a birthday card that played music or had a very witty message like the one Hendery had picked out.

Mark huffed. “Let’s go somewhere else then,” he said.

“Okay.”

Hendery took his hand and Mark recoiled, pulling his hand to his chest. His sprain had healed and it was no longer wrapped. He had taken it off before going to the club last night and it had felt fine. He still felt fine.

Well, maybe.

“I’m sorry,” Mark said, dropping his hand. He wasn’t sure if he should take Hendery’s or not. 

Had the moment passed? Was it too late? Would it be awkward?

Hendery answered his question when he reached out. “Come on,” he said. 

Mark let himself be pulled along. Hendery didn’t seem to care if anyone saw them. Not that anyone would.

No one was around. The entire section they were in was empty. Not even a sales associate was nearby.

“Oh, Hendery,” Mark said as they passed by the small jewelry cases. He tugged Hendery’s hands, bringing him back. “What about one of these?”

“Mark,” Hendery said with a low laugh, “You said it yourself. You don’t know Kun too well, so you don’t have to get him something big or expensive. I’m sure he’d be happy with you giving him a gift in the first place.”

Mark hummed. “Well,” he murmured, “He... uh, well, he makes Johnny happy so I’d like to thank him for that, too.”

Mark couldn’t remember how long Kun and Johnny had been together. It was five… six years? It surprised Mark that after all this time, he still knew very little about Kun. Johnny had been with him longer than Mark had known Hendery, but not nearly the same amount of time Mark had known Johnny, though he was sure Johnny and Kun got together early on into his and Mark’s friendship. It was as if Kun had always just been there, besides Johnny, the entire time Mark had known him. He had been a constant in Johnny’s life for all those years and as one of Johnny’s closest friends, Mark was happy that he had someone like Kun beside him. 

Today was a day to celebrate Kun, his life, and his achievements. Mark would use it as an opportunity to thank him as well.

Anyone that could spend more than a few hours beside Johnny deserved to be thanked and celebrated every day of the year.

“Oh, Mark.”

He looked at Hendery. He was smiling brightly. It reached his eyes and it made Mark’s heart stutter. He held his breath for a moment.

“Um…”

“I’ll help you choose something,” Hendery said. He let go of Mark’s hand and stepped up to the display case. He looked down at everything available.

Mark took his spot beside Hendery.

It was different. They were friends, but… now also something else.

Boyfriends? No…

They hadn’t gone that far. Hendery hadn’t said anything or asked anything, but Mark wasn’t sure if he should’ve expected it. Was it one of those things where it was silently agreed upon?

Mark didn’t know. And he was too scared to ask.

A young woman came up on the other side of the case. “Hello,” she said, voice bright, “Can I help you choose something out today?”

“Um, yeah,” Mark said. He looked at everything underneath the glass. “I’m looking for… a bracelet?”

He looked at Hendery in question. He shrugged one shoulder.

Mark looked at the young woman. “Yeah, a bracelet,” he said. “Like, a friendship… bracelet?”

The young woman clapped her hands together. “I know just what to show you,” she said with a smile. “If you’d just follow me over here…”

It took about an hour to find something that Mark liked enough to gift to Kun. He wished he could’ve had more time but Kun’s small party was going to start soon. Mark asked the sales associate to wrap it in a nice box as he paid for the bracelet and she happily did so.

He held the small box in his hand now. He looked at it. The wrapping paper was silver, shining underneath the lights of the store. There was a neatly tied white bow holding it together.

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Mark asked as they began to walk down the sidewalk, the store’s door closing behind him. 

They weren’t too far from Kun and Johnny’s place. Hendery had suggested the idea of stopping by the store to see if Mark could find something to gift to Kun. He was grateful he had.

“He’s going to love it,” Hendery said. “Anything from you is a wonderful gift.”

Mark felt himself blush. He blamed the cold immediately.

“I, uh, no…”

Hendery laughed loudly and Mark let go of his hand to push him away, which only made him laugh harder.

Things had changed, but they hadn’t.

Maybe things wouldn’t change for them too much.

Hendery would still be Hendery. Mark would still be Mark. They were still friends…

Mark thought about it.

There was still something tense about it. Last night, Hendery had shown Mark how he felt and Mark had shown his feelings in return. They were out, in the open, but not yet addressed. They hadn’t said the words. They had skipped the words and gone straight to the kissing.

No one had confessed their feelings.

Mark was still waiting. Maybe Hendery was waiting, too.

He didn’t want to talk about it now. Not today. Today was going to be about Kun. But soon.

Mark knew that the longer they stayed on this undefined line between friends and something else, as long as they stood on this edge, the more difficult it would become to stay balanced as the rest of the ice around them began to disappear.


	4. We Been Drinking, Babe, Just a Little Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I need to finish this for it to be considered a completed fic. Who knew? Also, I wanted to keep this G, but I think I have to up it to T?
> 
> Tiles: Ice Skating, Presents

Mark tugged tightly on the laces of the skates. He looked up and over the small barricade, seeing Donghyuck and Jaemin gliding over the ice with a certain ease. He quickly tied up his laces and stood, carefully moving toward the small door. He unlatched it and pulled it back, moving to the side.

He stared at the ice for a moment, wondering.

He hadn’t skated in years.

When he lived in Canada, his parents took him to a small ice rink nearby, teaching him how to move over the ice in his small ice skates on occasion. It hadn’t been his favorite thing to do, but it was something he had done with his parents, and when he was being agreeable, his older brother. After leaving Canada, he hadn’t found the time or had the interest to go.

Mark took a small breath and placed one foot on to the ice. It was familiar, but somehow, still new.

Something was holding him back. He couldn’t let go of the door.

Underneath the bright lights, the ice seemed to glow. He could see the way the blades of ice skates had scratched the top layer of ice, long lines that went off into circles, disappearing and reappearing somewhere else on the ice.

“Mark!” Jaemin exclaimed, stopping a few meters away.

Mark finally let go of the door, bringing his other foot over and on to the ice. He closed the door behind him, hearing the latch click together.

“I’m coming,” he said.

He started slowly, trying to remember everything his mom taught him. His arms stuck out at his sides a little, keeping him balanced. It was like learning how to walk again but only for a second. It came back to him like a strong gust of wind, blowing his hair back. The moment he moved forward, his body fell into a natural position and then he was pushing himself further and further away from the barricade.

He dropped his arms to his sides and moved a bit quicker, gliding smoothly over towards Jaemin. He came to a stop, just an arm’s length away from Jaemin.

“You can skate?” he asked.

“My parents used to take me a lot,” Mark replied.

“I didn’t know that.” Jaemin turned and moved away. Mark followed, pushing himself off a bit harder so he was beside Jaemin. Their feet fell into the same rhythm. Push off, one, two… Push off, three, four… “My parents also taught me how to ice skate. Never skated outside though.”

Mark reached out and hit Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin moved away, creating more space between them. “I didn’t skate outside either. I always came to indoor rinks,” Mark said. “Rinks are more reliable than a pond or whatever you’re thinking.”

Jaemin hummed. “Can you do tricks?”

“I can’t,” Mark said. “Who do you think I am?”

“Very disappointing,” Jaemin said with a click of his tongue. He shot a mischievous grin in Mark’s direction, moving backward, away from him. He held his arms wide open with his thumbs pointing back at himself. “I can do tricks.”

Mark watched as Jaemin did a few jumps and small jumps in the center of the rink, where there were no other skaters. He felt his heart pound hard in his chest each time Jaemin was above the ice, hoping that he would stick the landing. He did. With each landing, small particles of ice flew up around Jaemin’s skates.

Jaemin was much better at skating than Mark had ever been. He moved with a grace that Mark had never seen in person. He was awed.

A couple of meters away, Donghyuck stopped and looked at Jaemin, hands on his hips. “I can do that,” he called out. Mark turned his attention to Donghyuck, watching him move toward Jaemin’s spot. “Watch me.”

Mark watched as Donghyuck did some small spins and an attempt at a jump. When he saw that Donghyuck was not going to land properly, he pushed himself forward, letting out a wordless call. It caught the attention of some other skaters, but they were too far away to move towards them. A few did, but Mark and Jaemin moved quicker, reaching Donghyuck just as he fell.

Donghyuck had stumbled as he landed from his jump, falling forward. He turned his body as he fell, landing on his side with a thud. Mark heard him huff, turning on to his back and looking up, face a bit red and breathing hard.

“You okay?” Mark asked, crouching down.

Jaemin dropped down on to the ice to help Donghyuck sit up. “Did it hurt?”

Donghyuck shrugged them off, not looking too upset or fazed at all. “I’m fine,” he said. He looked at each of them. “I’ve fallen before. Now, help me up.”

Mark stood up and held out a hand. Jaemin held his hand out as well. Donghyuck took their hands and they pulled him up. Once standing, Donghyuck pulled away and dusted himself off. He looked at something behind them.

“Oh, Mark, did you invite someone?”

“What?”

Mark looked over his shoulder, and there, by the small door that led into the rink, was Hendery. He raised his hand and waved. Mark huffed in surprise under his breath.

“I guess I did,” he said, turning away.

He heard Jaemin call his name but then heard Donghyuck tell him to leave him alone. Mark was grateful. He skated back to the door, stopping in front of Hendery. His hands held on to the short barricade tightly, his knuckles turning white.

“You’re here,” he said.

Hendery smiled. “I can’t skate,” he admitted. He leaned in a bit closer. Mark felt his warm breath his cheek and his lips hover over his ear. “Did you know that?”

Mark let out a nervous laugh, pushing Hendery away. There were other people around them, strangers that could turn and see them. “Hey, stop it,” he said, keeping his tone light.

Hendery laughed. “Okay, okay.” He pulled back, standing up straight. “But I do mean it. I can’t skate.”

“That’s fine,” Mark said with a wave of his hand. “I can teach you.”

“Teach me?”

Mark met Hendery’s eyes. Something teasing danced in his gaze. He was daring Mark. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll teach you.”

It took a moment for Hendery to put on the skates he had brought. Mark wasn’t sure where he got them, but they didn’t look new. They were a bit worn. It made him wonder who they belonged to.

Mark stepped out of the rink and sat beside Hendery as he put them on, watching him tie up the laces. When he finished, he sat back in the seat with a heavy sigh.

He looked out at the rink and Mark followed. His eyes landed on Jaemin and Donghyuck, who were skating side by side in the center. Nothing special or interesting. They looked like they were talking. And then Mark looked towards Jeno and Renjun. They were going around the perimeter of the rink, also talking.

There were also other people. Some parents with their children and a few groups of older kids, going around the perimeter like Jeno and Renjun.

As Mark studied some other skaters around him, he felt something warm land on his hand. He looked down, seeing Hendery’s hand over his. His eyes moved up to his face.

“You skated?” he asked.

Mark shrugged. “Not really,” he said. “Once in a while, back home.”

Hendery hummed. “That doesn’t sound all that trustworthy. I’m supposed to let you teach me?”

“Hey!” Mark exclaimed, pulling his hand out from under Hendery’s and punching him on the shoulder. “I can skate.”

When Hendery laughed, the sound echoed through the empty area around them. It caught the attention of some of the nearby skaters. Mark tried to scowl but soon joined in, reaching for Hendery’s hand again. It was warm and Hendery quickly interlocked their fingers, squeezing.

“I’m excited to start.”

Unfortunately, Hendery was not lying when he said he could not skate. He held on to Mark as they stepped on to the ice and continued to do so as they moved. Mark insisted on remaining next to the wall so Hendery could hold on to it, and they did, even though Hendery confessed his embarrassment.

“I’m like one of those little kids learning,” he said. He looked somewhere else and Mark turned his head, trying to find what could be of interest. When he saw nothing, he looked back at Hendery. “I can’t be like Donghyuck or Jaemin.”

“Donghyuck is too good at some things,” Mark commented with a click of his tongue. He hadn’t spotted them, but he was sure they were out there, showing off again. “And so is Jaemin. I’m not anywhere near their level either. All I can do is not fall, and even then, I still fail at that sometimes.”

“Mark, I don’t think you get it,” Hendery said with a dry laugh.

Mark looked at him, blinking a few times. “What?”

Hendery stopped and Mark moved to stand in front of him, holding on to the barricade to his left. With his other hand, he reached for Hendery’s hand.

Mark could see something was bothering him, but he didn’t know what. It was clear on Hendery’s face. Some discomfort and disappointment. But why?

“Hendery, it’s okay,” he said, not knowing if it was the right thing to say. “If you’ve never skated before, of course, you’re not going to be like Hyuck or Jaemin. It’ll be a while before that happens.”

“Okay,” Hendery said with a sigh.

Mark squeezed his hand. “I don’t want you to be like Hyuck or Jaemin anyway. You’re Hendery,” he said. He moved to stand beside Hendery again, letting go of his hand. As he pushed himself off, he added on: “That’s why I like you.”

He immediately stopped just an arm’s length away from Hendery. He turned back and saw Hendery standing there, still. He was frozen. Mark saw how his breath came out in white puffs through his parted lips. Mark was quick to try to backtrack.

“I mean, uh, like you’re fine as you are, like… you’re you,” he blurted. Hendery blinked at him. Mark wanted to stop talking. Why couldn’t he stop talking? He felt himself warm up under Hendery’s gaze. “Like the ‘you’re one in a million’ kind of thing, you know? That kind of thing about being original or whatever.”

“Yeah,” Hendery finally said with a huff. “I get it.”

He moved forward and Mark felt himself grow tense. He looked at Hendery, but couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Let’s keep going,” Hendery said.

It was silent between them for a while longer. Mark didn’t try to say anything, afraid that he would embarrass himself again. Hendery stayed quiet, his focus on try to skate without having to hold on to the wall to his right.

Mark knew that he had been the one that slipped. He had been the one that had fallen into that hole between them and now he was left in cold water, trying to get out and get to Hendery, who was standing there, frozen.

Hendery was caught off guard, and Mark had gone on to make it worse without his blabbering. Why had he tried to take it back? Wasn’t it about time he confessed properly?

He had thought about this for so long and he had messed it up. He wanted to tell Hendery. Everything was so messy after New Year’s. They acted differently around each other, but nothing else had changed. Hendery knew and Mark knew, but there was still hesitation.

Hands reaching for the other, hovering and wondering if it was okay for a moment. Eyes meeting and then turning away, afraid of what the other might see there. 

They hadn’t made it obvious to their friends, but with people as perceptive as Xiaojun and Donghyuck, they were bound to notice soon that something had changed between them.

Mark wanted to fix this shift and find that balance. He wanted to find the balance that he craved so deeply, but it was hard. He didn’t know where to begin.

They only managed to go around the rink once before Jeno and Renjun skated up to them, telling them that they were leaving.

“We’re going to go eat,” Renjun said. “You two coming?”

Mark looked at Hendery. “Uh…”

“I’ll pass,” Hendery said. He looked at Mark.

He looked back at his friends. “Yeah, I’ll pass. I have something to do after this.”

Jeno and Renjun left them alone, saying their goodbyes. From a bit away, Jaemin and Donghyuck also waved, calling out their departing greetings. Mark waved, trying his best to smile. He received a look from Donghyuck but subtly shook his head.

“What do you have to do?” Hendery asked, pulling Mark’s attention back to him.

“Oh,” Mark whispered. He cleared his throat. “Nothing.”

“Then why did you say that?”

“What?” Mark asked with a shaky laugh. “Can’t I say that?”

Hendery shrugged. “I guess you can, but I didn’t think you’d turn down the invite.”

“Because they’re my friends?”

“Something like that.” Hendery sighed.

Mark nudged him in the side. “What’s with you?”

Another shrug. “I’m fine,” Hendery said. He looked at Mark curiously. “You have time after this then?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I have something for you.”

* * *

Hendery handed over the box.

It was large and wrapped in red paper with small reindeer printed all over it.

Mark looked up at Hendery. “What’s this?”

“I didn’t get to give it to you for Christmas,” Hendery answered.

Mark laughed, looking back down at the box. “Christmas was, like, two months ago?”

“I know.” Hendery sat down beside him. “Just open it.”

“Okay,” Mark murmured. He picked at the wrapping paper, pulling it back and revealing the box inside. It gave him no clue to what it could be. He threw the paper aside and placed the box across his lap. He looked at Hendery. “What is it?”

Hendery shook his head, a small smile on his lips. “Just open it.”

Mark pulled the lid off the box and peered into the box. He saw nothing. Whatever it was, it was wrapped in a bright red tissue paper. “Hendery,” Mark breathed out, a low chuckle escaping him. “What…?”

He put the lid to the side and reached inside, taking the tissue paper and tearing it back. Inside was a guitar strap. Mark pulled it out, carefully holding it across his palms. It was beautiful. It was a beautiful dark brown color and the leather was nice and strong.

He saw the white seams along the edges. He ran his thumbs over them.

“Woah…” he let out.

“It’s adjustable,” Hendery said. He reached out and took the guitar strap. He showed Mark the other end, where some screws were. Hendery adjusted it and then offered back. “I think it fits.”

“I’ll try it now,” Mark said. He took the guitar strap and set it on the coffee table. He stood and moved to the hall. He stopped and looked back at Hendery. “I’m just going to get my guitar.”

“Okay,” Hendery answered.

Mark rushed to his room. He shuffled across and reached for one of his guitars. It was his oldest one. He had bought it when he first came to South Korea and it had gone through many things. He held the neck tightly, keeping it close as he returned to the living room.

He sat back down and placed his guitar across his lap, reaching for the strap. He affixed it on the strap buttons on the body of the guitar and then pulled the strap over himself. The guitar sat comfortably on his lap and the strap was snug across his body.

He turned so Hendery could see him better. “So?”

Hendery’s eyes were on the guitar. He didn’t seem to hear Mark.

“Hendery?”

“Huh?”

Mark bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from smiling. “How does it look?”

Hendery smiled. “It looks great.” He reached out and touched the guitar strap. “It’s made of faux leather if you were wondering.”

“Good,” Mark said. He looked at Hendery’s hand, aware of how close he was. “Oh?”

Hendery pulled back. “It’s your initials.”

Mark leaned a bit closer. There, where the strap rested across his breast, were the letters M.L. He let go of the guitar’s neck to run his fingers over the letters stamped into leather.

“Wow,” he let out. He looked up at Hendery. “Thank you.”

Hendery shrugged. “Eh… I mean, you said you needed a new one, right?” He grinned. “It’s the least I could do.”

“Yes, but this…” Mark stopped himself. He met Hendery’s eyes. His heart skipped a beat in his chest and his face grew warm. He looked away. “Thanks, man.”

“Sorry I didn’t give it to you at Christmas.” He heard Hendery clear his throat. “You disappeared at the party and then you were at Donghyuck’s so…”

Mark remembered the party for a moment. “Right,” he said. He blinked down at his guitar. “Sorry about that.”

An awkward silence overcame them. Mark placed his arm along the side of the body of the guitar and began to tap his fingers against the dark wood. Hendery moved a bit away.

“You hungry?” Mark asked.

“Yes,” Hendery answered with a relieved sigh.

“I think I have some leftovers if you don’t mind?”

“Nah,” Hendery said with a wave of his hand. He tilted his head to the side in question, “I’ll set up a movie?”

“Go for it.”

Mark stood up, his guitar still hanging from his body. He held it and walked back to his room, removing it and laying it on his bed. He returned to the living room and saw Hendery fiddling with the remote.

It was weird. Something weird had just happened. Mark felt it.

He tried to push it away and went into the kitchen, pulling everything from the fridge. He fixed some plates up and placed them in the microwave, leaning against the counter as he waited for each one to heat up.

Mark heard Hendery step into the kitchen was pulling out the second plate. “Need help?”

“Yeah, if you could―” Mark sucked in a sharp breath as he realized Hendery had been right behind him. He took a step back, hitting the edge of the counter.

Hendery’s hands fell to his hips, holding him in place. Mark took a deep breath, holding the plate in his hands tightly. It was the only thing separating them.

“The other one is yours,” Mark said as Hendery loosened his hold on him. He sidestepped him, face warm. “What do you want to drink?”

“A beer, if you have them,” Hendery answered. His back was to Mark.

He took it as the opportunity to set down his dish and bring his palms to his warm face. He stepped across the small space to the refrigerator and pulled out two beers, letting the door shut with a small thud.

“Let me,” Hendery said as he turned. He took one of the beers from Mark’s hand, disappearing with his plate and drink.

Mark hurried to pick his up. He returned to the living room and found Hendery sitting on the floor, the coffee table pulled a bit closer so he could reach his plate. He looked back at Mark with a small smile.

“Let’s continue our marathon,” he said.

* * *

They had five beers.

No, six. Mark had six. Hendery had...

Seven? Eight?

Mark wasn’t sure anymore.

They were watching Thor now. Mark hadn’t been paying too much attention to it. He had stopped focusing on the movie when Hendery had scooted closer, placing his hand over Mark’s and keeping it there, leaning against him slightly. 

Hendery seemed entertained, not saying much or moving as he watched. Mark kept still, trying to keep his breathing steady. His face was warm, from the beer and from having Hendery so close. He couldn’t pull away. He didn’t want to pull away.

His mind was muddled from drinking.

“Do you want another beer?” Hendery asked after a few minutes. He pulled away and Mark’s eyes followed. He watched Hendery stretch. “Mark?”

Mark blinked. “No, man, I’m okay.”

Hendery shrugged and got up from the floor, disappearing into the dark kitchen and coming back with a couple more cans. He placed them on the coffee table. Mark looked towards the empty ones.

They had drunk a lot.

Mark knew that if he had any more, he would not be able to handle himself and he would feel terrible tomorrow. So he could only watch as Hendery popped open another can and brought it to his lips.

Then he looked away.

“Mark,” Hendery said but he didn’t look back.

He couldn’t.

“Mark,” Hendery repeated. “Hey.”

Mark felt Hendery’s warm hand on his again. This time, he held it properly, their fingers slipping into the spaces between. Hendery squeezed and Mark turned to look at him.

He was close. Mark could smell the alcohol on his warm breath. He could feel just how Hendery’s parted lips grazed the corner of his mouth.

As he spoke, Mark shivered. “Can I kiss you, Mark?”

Mark said nothing. He couldn’t think now. He was bordering on drunk and his brain was running on an alcohol-induced autopilot. Instead of answering, he moved so that instead of grazing the corner of his mouth, Hendery’s lips were against his.

Soon, Hendery’s hands were holding Mark’s face, his mouth moving against his, hot and wet. Mark was aware that Hendery had one or two more beers than he had and he wanted to pull away. He didn’t want to do it this way. But with the way Hendery was holding him, trying to get him closer, closer, closer… Mark couldn’t bring himself to stop.

His hands rested on Hendery’s hips now. Hendery’s shirt raised as he moved closer, closing the space between them, and Mark was suddenly feeling Hendery’s warm, bare skin against the ends of his fingers. He traced circles against Hendery’s hipbones with his thumbs. Hendery let out a low guttural sound and he was moving again. 

In front of them, the coffee table was slowly pushed away as Hendery shifted. He came over, sitting across Mark’s lap, knees digging into the rug on either side of Mark. He pulled away but his hands still held Mark’s face. Mark felt Hendery run his thumbs over his cheekbones and he closed his eyes, leaning into Hendery’s touch.

“Mark, you’re so pretty to me,” Hendery whispered.

Mark opened his eyes. It was dark. He couldn’t see Hendery’s face. The television behind him backlit him and made it even harder to see anything.

“Wait, Hendery,” Mark said.

Hendery stopped.

“Are you sure?”

It took a moment for Hendery to answer. “What do you mean?”

“What you, um, said… are you sure?”

Hendery leaned in close. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t mean it,” he said, his hot breath hitting Mark’s cheek. “I like you, Mark.”

Mark held his breath. “What’s that now?”

The alcohol in his system seemed to disappear and suddenly he was completely aware of what was going on. He had Hendery on him, holding him.

“I said I like you.”

“I―” Mark shuddered as he felt Hendery press himself closer, “I like you.”

“Do you mean that?”

Hendery pulled away and even if Mark couldn’t see his face, he knew that Hendery was looking at him in the eyes. Mark was glad that he couldn’t see the expression on his face.

“I do.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Yes,” Mark answered without any hesitation.


End file.
